If you’ve been looking for a way to spice up your relationship (or hookup!) maybe it’s time to give a common sexual fantasy a try. But before you stock up your Amazon cart with whips and chains, make sure to have a conversation with your partner first.
“Playfully, tell your partner that you have fantasies that you would like to share with them,” says Ava Cadell, PhD , clinical sexologist and AASECT certified sex counselor. “If they give you the go ahead, then tell them your fantasies, starting with the mild ones.” Start with the fantasies that feel tamer to you two first, like watching each other striptease. This will put you both at ease before exploring something more risqu, Cadell says.
What about when to tell your partner ? According to Cadell, “Timing is everything. So the best time to talk to your partner about your fantasies is when you feel comfortable,” she says. That could be on a long road trip, a romantic date or even after making love.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC , a psychotherapist specializing in intimacy, sex and relationships, says the key is making sure your relationship is strong enough to handle a common sex fantasy and that it’s something both you and your partner are into.
“Many times the fantasy involves taking in a third person,” Rapini says. And there may be one person who wants it and one who doesn’t because they either feel insecure about the relationship or are worried about their partner’s attachment style. That’s why Mary Jo recommends experimenting with a lower-stakes playful fantasy first (think: dressing up) before committing to something like a hot and heavy threesome.
But honestly, it’s totally up to you and your boo. Think your ready to get frisky? Here are 26 sex fantasy ideas you can try tonight.
If you like playing games…
For many of Cadell’s clients, sometimes just talking about the fantasy is satisfying enough. These games give you a framework for doing just that.
- Fantasy fun cards: Write down all your sexual fantasies on a stack of cards and get your lover to do the same. Then, each partner should sort all their cards into two separate piles: 1: Fantasies to turn into reality, such as having sex in a public place, or being a sex slave. 2: Fantasies to remain only as fantasies, such as group sex or having sex with someone of the same sex. “Expressing your sexual fantasies can be a huge part of foreplayor it can be the main event,” Cadell says.
- Bring in the paint: “Play a sexy version of the game Pictionary where you and your partner take turns drawing different fantasies,” Cadell says. Each person will get five turns and try and guess what the other is drawing in under a minute. You can draw stick figures or sketch drawings of your fantasies such as a Playboy Bunny Rock Star, Sexy Maid or Butler.
- Try fantasy charades: “Play a game of fantasy charades where you get to act out your favorite fantasies without speaking,” Cadell says. “See if your partner can guess what you are trying to tell them through your actions and movements.” Got props? Use them to help your partner guess your fantasy. For example, if you have a cop fantasy, get some handcuffs. If youre a Doctor or Nurse, get some latex gloves and if youre Little Red Riding Hood, get a red cape with a picnic basket.
- Ask your partner to play fantasy fortune telling : “Try this verbal fantasy game to test both your creativity and imagination,” Cadell says. Start off with a timer and give each person 20 seconds. Flip a coin and the winner will begin to describe a sex fantasy scenario like a threesome or anal fantasy. After 20 seconds, switch and their partner will continue the fantasy for another 20 seconds. “Do this for five turns and see what erotic ideas you come up with. At the end, you can decide if its a fantasy you want to live out,” Cadell says.
If you want to dress up…
Fantasy is all about escape. So take the opportunity to be someone else in the bedroom the next time you and your partner are feeling playful.
- Boss and Employee: According to Your Tango , 56 percent of women and 61 percent of men have sexual fantasies having sex with co-workers in their office. Play out that fantasy out with your partner (and keep your job!) by grabbing your work outfit, pretending you’re at your desk, and letting your partner show you what it means to work overtime.
- Nurse: A woman who wants to turn their partner on by wearing a naughty nurses outfit can be sexy and get into character by examining her partners body from head to toe. “Then she can explore various erogenous zones and ask her patient for feedback on what feels better, a nip, a lick or a caress?” Cadell says. (BTW: This works if your partner plays the nurse, too.)
- Police Officer : Using a pair of handcuffs for restraint could be exciting, followed by body search and punishment to fit the crime.
- Sports players: Is your boo a Pats fan? Grab a Tom Brady jersey for him and referee outfit for you (or vice-versa). When you get home, get ready to call all the plays.
- Dominatrix: ” 50 Shades of Grey gave women permission to live out their Dom and Sub fantasies,” Cadell says. “It makes them feel uninhibited and more confidant sexually when their lover is blindfolded.” If that’s you, then why don’t try to bring out your inner dominatrix on sex fantasy night with the BF.
- Personal trainer: Does working out turn you on? Bring that energy into the bedroom by grabbing your partner and demanding they give you 10 reps…of the move of your choosing.
If you’re looking for a thrill…
What many of Rapini’s couples say they crave in their fantasies is “deviant or on the fringe behavior.” So the next time you’re itching to get caught in the act, try one of these scandalous activities.
- Have sex outside: ” Take a walk on the wild side and role-play exhibitionism and public sex,” Cadell says. Sneak away with your partner to a secluded place where you wont get caught, and have at it. “The rush of being outdoors just might be an intoxicating adventure youll never forget,” Cadell says.
- Join the mile high club: A recent survey from Stratos Jet Charters polled 2,000 people and found that almost 17 percent have already done something sexual on a flight and 52 percent had fantasized about it. So why not join the club?
- Have sex with a stranger: Well, kind of! “Set up a seduction scenario with your partner at a local bar, and be sure to arrive separately,” Cadell says. Then it’s all about the pursuit. Maybe they drop a seduction line or send over a drink from the other side of the bar. “Let the actor inside fuel this fantasy,” Cadell says.
- Have a threesome: According to a 2015 study , one in seven Americans have had a threesome. And one in five find them appealing. So if you’ve been thinking about bringing another person into the bedroom, you’re not alone. Just be mindful of Rapini’s earlier tips. And make sure it’s something both you and your partner want to do.
- Make a sex tape: Cadell gives this one two thumbs up. “Grab your movie camera and act out a porn scene by filming you and your lover as porn stars,” she says. And then after, set up your tripod or connect your camera to the TV so you can watch your moves (make sure the kids aren’t around!). Just make sure to remain playful when doing something like this, Rapini says. “Couples often end up blaming each other when someone doesn’t ‘commit enough’ or they’re left feeling disappointed.” But it’s all supposed to be fun, she says.
If you like being watched…
Maybe your partner does too? There’s only one way to find out…
- Be voyeuristic: In a recent study from The Journal of Sex Research , 46 percent of the people surveyed were into watching people have sex. So if you’re into this too, try going to a nude beach or a sex show with your partner.
- Be an exhibitionist: Feeling really bold? Th e next time you’re in the grocery store wearing your favorite skirt, lock eyes with your partner and slowly remove your underwear.
- Watch each other masturbate: Cadell recommends combining this fantasy with a sex tape. “Be the director and direct your lover in a masturbation scene,” she says. That way you’re checking off two fantasy boxes.
- Bring in the vibrators: Rapini recommends this one all the time. “If your partner has a fantasy about vibrators or inviting them into love making with your vibrator, I think that’s something that can actually enhance your sex life,” she says. Your partner will get to know allll the right places.
- Put on a strip tease: One by one, take off an article of clothing as your partner watches you from across them room (Think: Blair Waldorf at Victrola in Gossip Girl. You know the scene!)
- Go to the strip club: Here’s a fun one, but it does depend on how secure you are in your relationship. Do you get jealous when your partner looks at another woman? Or will you use unleash your inner Ramona from Hustlers and get on the pole?
If you want to take control…
Then give BDSM a try. Just make sure you’ve had an honest conversation with your partner about it first, making sure to discuss what it is, what you want, and how far you’re willing to go.
- Grab the whip: You don’t need to go 50 Shades on your partner, but if both of you have been fantasizing about whipping or being whipped, there’s nothing wrong with that.
- Use a blindfold: This is a common one for Rapini’s clients, especially during oral sex. There’s something about one person in control and the other being completely surprised that really turn couples on. If that’s you, grab the blindfold and give it a go.
If you like to be tempted or teased…
Sometimes it’s doing everything but sex that really turns Rapini’s clients on, she says. And there are plenty of fun ways to tempt and tease.
- Wear a sexy pair of heels: Does your partner have a thing for shoes, or maybe red heels in particular? Rapini knows several clients who do. So the next time you’re at the mall, invest in a killer pair of red pumps, she says. And when you’re sitting across from them at the dinner table, slowly glide the tip of your shoe up and down their legs. Then watch them squirm (hehe!)
- Bring in the body chocolate: Are you into oral stimulation? So is everyone else, Rapini says. “A lot of partners are very oral,” Rapini says. “They have fantasies of licking frosting or chocolate off their partners body.” Why else do you think chocolate flavored body pain exists? Go buy some and get to licking.
- Give each other sensual massages : That why Rapini recommends using a sensual massage to orgasm. “Those things really enhance a deeper physical and emotional connection,” she says.